First Memory

As hard as I can try, I’m pretty sure my first memory is from when I was around 4 years old.  I’m not surprised at the age of the memory-I think that’s pretty normal.  Then again, maybe not.  Either way, that’s when my first memory is from.

I woke up terrified (and now have no idea what the nightmare was about now) but I ran up the stairs in silence, turning around every couple steps to lock the steel door I imagined was there to keep me safe from the demon that was chasing me.

First things first: Why was I running up the stairs after waking up when my bedroom was on the second floor? Well, the answer is easy and at the time completely normal for me. I often fell asleep on the small kitchen run in front of the sink because that’s where I always slept when one of the night’s partiers stole my bed from me. Why wouldn’t I sleep on the couch? hahaha Well, there was someone sleeping there too, duh…… Normal, right?

Ok, so back on track… I was running up the stairs to the safety of my parents’ room that was directly across the hall from the bedroom I sometimes got to call my own. I locked the last door between me and the scary monster that was chasing me and burst in to my parents’ room, finally making noise as I cried.

Then I stopped.  blinked.  confused

There was a man, a family friend-I knew him well, he was always around, in the push-up position in my parents bed.  Then I saw my mother’s face emerge from around his arm.

“GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE, SHANNON! GET YOUR ASS BACK IN YOUR BED”-my Mother

I quickly escaped her room by stumbling backwards in to the hall.  What bed was she talking about? My bed was full of people. Did she mean go back downstairs to my kitchen rug? Didn’t she know how many locked doors there were between me and the horrifying demon I left down stairs?

Didn’t she know I NEEDED HER TO TELL ME IT WAS JUST A DREAM AND THAT I WAS SAFE?

I fell asleep on the floor between my bedroom and hers.

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